Monday, February 23, 2009

Let Go and Let God

That is such a hard thing for me to do, especially when it comes to my child. I want to fix. I want to save her from hurt. I can't stand for any injustice to come her way. So I fight, scream and yell and all it does it make ME madder. The Diva had a Kinder program on Thursday. It was the first and only Kinder program for the year and she was chosen to be the narrator of the entire program not just her class. A proud parent moment for sure. I told her father about it 4 weeks ago and he would not commit to coming. At 6:30, the program starts at 7 pm he calls me and says I am still at school, if you think I can make it I will come, but if you don't I won't come. What the hell?? I tell him that is a decision only you can he make. He then goes well I want to come and if you tell me I can make it on time, I will be there. I repeat my comment and tell him I have to go. Of course sine he called The Diva wants to know if her Daddy is coming to see her performance. I tell her I don't think so and she starts to cry. I tell her I am there and I will be clapping for her. She just sadly says I know. DAMN HIM - RAT BASTARD!

So the next day I decided to be positive and ask him if he his still taking his child to the Daddy/Daughter Princess Dance on Saturday. He says I don't know. It depends on if they schedule me to call a game. Now I am confused, why would you have yourself scheduled to call games when you know your daughter is wanting you to take her somewhere. Why can't you give your child and hour and half of your time for one Saturday. I cuss and fuss and it meant nothing to him. He cannot comprehend that he is being an ass to his child.

So Sunday night I decided to exhale, to let go. I have tried for 6 1/2 years to have him a part of his child's life. I have beg, bedded, pleaded, cussed and fussed and the only person that stresses out about this is me. I think a friend was right. It would be better for him to not be in her life at all then to be half ass and to constantly give her hope that he wants to be a father.