Life is short

Today I am on my way to a memorial service for my Manager's husband who died of a heart attack on his way to work. He was 48 yrs old. This is tragic in so many ways
1.he was so youg. 2.he leaves his wife and daughter behind and 3.he had just started to take care of himself. He had called his wife that morning to say that he had lost 12 lbs and his doctor was getting ready to take him off of one of his medication. I can imagine he truly thought he was on the right track and could see himself getting healthier to live a long life. You just never know what life is going to throw at you. This bring be to question my own mortality. I am feeling my 41 years with the knee injury. I had to leave the grocery store yesterday because I could not walk up and down the aisles, but I can't be the fat person drving around on the motorized scooter. I have to do something. I have to get this weigt off. I can't leave my daughter motherless because I refused to take better care of myself.

My goal at the moment is to lose weight so that I can comfortable ride all the ride sat Six Flags with Holli in March. I have 5 months and 2 days. Today after the memorial service I am going to go get a scale and load up on frozen food. I stop at fast food places because I don't feel like coming home to cook. It might be more expensive, but I can't keep putting the fried crap into my body.

I feel so old

I twisted my knee on October 17, 2008 and I am STILL hobbling around on it. I begining to finally feel my 41 years. UGGGHHHH. I have really got to do something about my lack of exercise and get serious about weight loss. I don't want to be the fat person driving around on a scooter in Wally World in a couple of years. Must get serious.

The Diva is doing really great. We are getting in the full swing of activities and she is doing well at school. I have a parent-teacher conference on Monday and I get to hear about Holli's assessment and what we need to work on. I have invited her father, but I am willing to bet he will be a no show as usual. He is helping out financially so I guess that's where he feels his parenting responsibility begins and ends.

My Baby is in kindergarten

This morning on my 41st birthday I dropped by baby off at Kinder. Our morning started off as usual, me waking her up, Holli wanting to sleep in. Note to self - do not decide on the day before school starts to get your child to sleep in her bed. So she really did not get any restful sleep until after midnight. Poor thing. I am off today so I am picking her up at 3 so her day will not be too long. I fix her breakfast and while he is in the bathroom I grab my cell and call her father and tell him he needs to call his daughter and wish her a first day of school. He calls back and Holli tells him all about what she is wearing and that she is going to have a good day. Holli gets off the phone and goes Mommy, Daddy is so nice to call me to tell me to have a good day. Yes sweet he is as I bite my tongue. We then have a convo with cousin Zoe and guess what those 2 little girls can talk. I finally told Holli she had to get off the phone so we can leave for school.

So we take a few pics in the front yard and Holli is doing her Diva pose. All good. She reminds me I need to make her carseat a big girl carseat - meaning she wants it to be just a booster and not the whole car seat and head off to school. Holli seems okay until we have to wait in the cafeteria to go to class. She seems to get more nervous since there are so many kiddo. It's not anything like daycare. We get to class and I want to take her picture with her lanyard on. She looks at the camera, but refuses to smile. She just wants to know where is Crystal, our neighbor. I explain to her that Crystal is in PreK not Kinder so she will not be seeing her.
So I leave her. A little girl is crying. As I am walking out the door I here the announcement that they are standing for the pledge then I think Damn, I should have stayed longer, but I really think I was making it worse.

I truly thought I would be very emotional about all of this, but I seem to be taking it well. It's not hard to leave her since she has been in daycare almost 3 yrs. We are use to dropping off and seeing each other in the afternoon, but it was a little weird. It means that this is beginning of the journey of her eventually leaving home. I better enjoy the next 13 yrs to the fullest.